Switch is Coming

After five years of working on my young adult historical fantasy I can finally predict that it will be published early in 2017. I am putting the first chapter on Amazon to get feedback as well as soliciting beta readers. I’ve also been working on book covers. Please give me your opinion. Yes, the space between the s and w is deliberate.

switch1

 

To give feedback on the first twelve pages or just get a peek, go to:

http://amzn.to/2fSnVyX

Bonnie Ferrante: Books For All Ages

2 thoughts on “Switch is Coming

  1. Bonnie,

    I didn’t want to sign up for Write On but had some feedback for you. Your story line is intriguing. I read through the other comments and agree the book would flow quicker if you focused more on active sentences. An example is the first sentence. It could read, “Rushing home, Rosemary tripped over frozen clumps of churned up snow and mud.”

    Some advice we’ve received when writing is to make every “that” and “had” and “was” prove they belong in your story (I’ve done a find in Word to look at each one). If there’s a way to write without them, do it. In the line about the monastery, it reads just as well if not better to say, “… no place to go, so the property could be used …” The last paragraph on the first page has a lot of hads. Changing up the sentences to read something like, “Yesterday, a letter arrived from MG with word of her husband’s death.” adds to the flow.

    I was confused by the transition between her current thoughts and her flashback about the mattress. I wondered if something like, “They complained often:” would work.

    I felt the extra line space on page 12 wasn’t needed. It’s in the same time frame.

    On page 14, a period is needed after Grayfell.

    One last thing that we’ve learned is you don’t have to say “said,” “asked,” or something like that after every statement. “Are we not having breakfast?” Rosemary groggily rubbed her eyes. Tells us who said it just as well.

    Good luck as you continue down the publishing path. You’ve got a great story.

    Stephanie Jaeger

    Like

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